INTERMEDIATE PAPER 1 : WHAT WE SEEK IN LIFE

MODULE 5: Curbing Anger

We used to think that happiness only come when we have. We will be happy if we have more money. We will be happy if we have more properties.  Of course they contribute much in the formula of seeking happiness. But we often forget that happiness could also derive from NOT HAVING.

How nice if we do not have enemies, everybody is a friend to us.  How easy will it be if we do not have to work, just a snap of fingers and your wish fulfill immediately in front of your eyes.

But we know these dreams are just dream.  It will never happen.  Let's rephrase it in another way.

How nice if we do not need to get angry so often. How relieve will it be if there are fewer things for us to worry. And how peaceful will it be if the society does not imply much fear in our daily life.

In this lesson we shall explore the avenue of Not Having as part of our search for happiness.  The HAVE NOT is a battle against the evil elements in our mind.

The undesired evil elements (such as anger, worry, fear, jealousy etc) arise in almost every activity in our life. By applying sense-control we can eliminate and suppress them progressively, thus denying their dominant in our action, speech and thought.

The manner of achieving them requires a lot of patient, understanding and efforts.  One requires a strong determination to overcome these harmful elements of the mind. As we mastered the manner of curbing them, we become more aware of them each time they appear in us.

Faces of Anger

Aware! Alert! Have you ever ponder how does anger arises?  
What prompted it?

Just like in the art of warfare, one must know thy enemy if one want to conquer them. One must know the characteristic of the rising anger.

Anger is a state of mind.  Not physical. Not permanent either. It can be overcome.

Anger came in many forms. Hatred, aversion, dislike, enmity, ill will, grudge, and you named it.  It appears in a subtle form as retaliation of a result, upset over the uncertainty in life or resentment.  In disguise, anger is boredom, indecisive, frustration, envy, helpless, ignorance etc.

Anger can harbour easily in the heart especially by the word that irritates, words that does not fit to your ears. Anger is prompted by a cause; a bite of a mosquito, a report in the news, the sight of a disgust etc. Any input that does not agree with our point of view has higher chances to cause the up rise of anger.

"Little fire is a buddy, blooming fire is an enemy"

A practical joke is laughter but if it is taken with the rising fire then is will burn and wound. It becomes danger to both you and others.  

Where is the beginning of this risen fire? Is it from within or from the external factors?

The Risen Fire

A friend of yours promises to meet you at the café. You always keep to your time and punctuality is your priority.  Now that you have waited for more than half an hour, what will be playing in your mind? 

Maybe you worry about him at the beginning.  "What happen to him?  Hopefully it is not due to an accident.  Maybe stuck in the traffic jammed. Maybe, maybe, maybe …"

Another 15 minutes passed. Your worries now become upset. "He must have forgotten the appointment.  Can he be playing a joke on me?"

Slowly your anger arises, higher and higher until it reaches the Q point. Boom! You begin to behave differently.  If there is another people ask you a question, "What!" you raise your voice.

Desires not achieve or it does not leave up to your expectation.  Be it by others or your own self.  "Why must I be poorer than others?  Why can't I be healthier than others?  Why must there be inequality in life?  Why people cannot be more considerate towards each other? Why must they be injustice, cruelty…?

The fat one wishes to slim down, the thin wish to look a little bit plum. The dark one wishes his skin to be fairer while the pale one wish to be smarter.

When we cannot endure at the negative impact of life such as embarrassed, treated with harsh words or being harm by others, we get angry easily.

Ego.  Refusal to accept the fact of life, to change for improvements, the shift our paradigm make anger arises too.  Feeling rejected, confrontation with other, due to different in opinion and the impatient attitude in us are some of the common examples caused by ego.

"Why no one tell me, smoking bring me here"

A description found on the tombstone in the cemetery yard.

The Making of Anger

Anger of hatred is one of the three roots of evil. A mind filled with anger is no longer calm and peace. It affected our physique too. Can an angry man speak gently to us? Can they behave properly?

There are two causes for anger to arise.

1. The Repulsive/Negative Nature of the object

We must remember darkness is part of our life. Things are changing all the time.  Things are not permanent. Neither are our thought, feelings and perception.  We cannot expect them to be the same all the time.

There are always weaknesses in all things. A solid chair is going to be a little bit heavy. A rich man can be a miser.  A beautiful product is going to be expensive.

A fool views the bright side with greediness
and views the dark side with anger.

A wise man view the bright with loving-kindness and the dark with detach.

How many of us still keep our old toys and dolls or some of your schoolbooks of the early days?

They normally possess some sentimental values in your life but now they are old, dirty and probably useless.   What happen if someone were to remove them away?

Happiness is greater than Sorrow;
Sorrow is greater than Happiness;

NO, both are equally great, because when one appears significantly, 
the other is asleep.

2.  The Unsystematic Attention towards the repulsive nature.

This is how we make our perception in life.  It can be change if we want.  We have the power to change over this unsystematic attention.

A friend of yours scolded you for something you did not do. Would you get angry? Your answers, "maybe, if… perhaps, depend…" It means you will.  And if you are less careful, you will cause a great damage in your friendship and probably everything you have cherished.

If the question is rephrased as, "Do you have to get angry?"  Then the answer will be different. "NO of course!"

Look at yourselves in the mirror.  How would you look like in an angry face?  Look at the unhappiness textures in that face.  Do you like others to show his anger to you everyday?  How would you feel?

An angry face is like an erupting volcano throwing it's hot larva to others.  Waiting to burn things which is on it way. 

STOP for a while and ponder!  Look at it positively.  What benefit would it make if we throw our anger out?  Since we already know things change all the time, how many time do we have to get angry because of it?

We have to take the rose with it's torn together.  As we admire the beauty of the rose, we have to carefully handle the torn as well.  Not because we are wounded by the torn we throw the rose away.

We have to change our way of seeing things.  With proper attitude and perception we should be able to overcome the difficulties in life thus minimize the rising of anger in our daily activities.

Do a self-evaluation now. How would you behave while waiting for a friend who did not turn up more than half an hour?

The Manner of Overcoming Anger

Anger is mind made.  To overcome it we have to have a systematic attention towards the repulsive nature of things based upon:

1.    Loving-kindness (in the heart)

While you were carrying a toddler in your best tuxedo before a dinner, the baby answered the call of nature (who does not know that there is a place called toilet); how would you react to this situation?

Radiate love to them. Forgive them. As all of us are caught by the NOT knowing in life, we are imperfect in our own way.  We are weak and incapability in certain aspect.  We should not allow our anger to control our thinking.

If all of us can see and witness the secret suffering of our enemies, then it is enough for us to disarm all our hospitality.  Remember that all of us are the victims of situation.

2.  Compassion

Every being are suffering in their very own ways. We must be compassionate towards those who are being burns by the fire of anger. 

" Battle not anger with anger but with Truth"

Who is more foolish? He who is angry of he who reacts to the anger?  Imaging an angry man throw cow dung to you and you retaliate by picking up the cow dung and throw it back to him.

"Hatred is not cease by hatred but by love"

~  Dhammapada 5 ~

3.  A sense of Equanimity

Just like the lotus, not stain by the mud of the pond - equanimity is an unperturbed feeling accompanied by right understanding towards the vicissitudes in life.

among those who hate, live without hate;

among those who are greedy, live without greed;

among those who are ignorance, be wise;

among those who are foolish, be without fool.

If a man's mind is untrained or untamed, it will make harm to himself and the people around him, much more than an enemy can do unto him.  Knowing the nature of truth (the negative aspect of things) we should always keep calm and balance in our mind when others make us angry.

4.  Understanding (the Law of Kamma)

We are the owners of our own deeds. We deserve what we deserved as we reap what we sow.  We should not get angry for others because they are richer than us, more beautiful/handsome than we are, etc.

You have a choice.  What you reap is from your past, what you do now will reap in the future.  You think wrongly, you will be sad, you ate more you will be fat.

You have to be responsible for the reaction of your deeds.  You make other angry, they will make you angry in return.  If you choose not to and hope they choose the same too.

You should be upset when things don't turn up as you intended.  Things change all the time (the law of impermanence) and it will be silly to go against these natural laws.

There are Angers written
 on the Rock, on the Sand and on the waterfront.

~ Reflection on the Beach ~

 ~ Ang Nik   ~

It takes years for the weather to erode the word carved on the rock. It takes a day or two, for the word to erase totally on the sand and only a second for the rushing sea wave to wash away the word written on the waterfront.

1. Why the repulsive nature of an object prompts us to get angry? 

2. An anger written on the rock in "the reflection on the beach" means …